Unraveling

 

Artwork by Kate King

Let’s talk about the feeling of unraveling. I keep hearing this word, from both my clients and my friends, which seems to be an apt reflection of the profound unease and stress I think most people are feeling these days. 

Whether you’re upset about the political environment, unsteady in your relationships, or disconnected from your Self and your purpose, feeling like you’re unraveling seems to be a very common response.

Brene Brown, one of my personal favorite teachers and inspirational people, offers a powerful counter-perspective about the feeling of unraveling. Always a potent wordsmith, Brown reminds us of the dictionary definition of raveling, defined as being so tightly wound and tangled that it feels impossible to undo the knot(s). Therefore, un-raveling can offer a welcome relief that invites a person into spacious presence with what was previously too tightly entwined to disentangle. 

If you can shift your perception, change your mindset, you might begin to think of your experience of unraveling as positive. Sure, there may be a bit of instability and mysteriousness in how the unraveling will develop, but at least you’re giving yourself the openness and spaciousness to discover a new way to navigate. It’s very hard to achieve anything productive or positive when you’re tied in knots. Think about the experience of having tightly knotted shoulder blades… it leads nowhere good, right? So instead of dwelling on the knottiness, or the fear of what could happen if the knots spiral loose from each other, consider what could become of your experience if you welcome the unraveling and play with seeing it as an opportunity. Lean in. Greet the unraveling with curiosity and invite it to tea. Take stock of what has brought you to this point, what’s in your current experience, and what you would like to bring forward with you as you weave your next steps. Then allow the unraveling to take you there.

Let me know how this lands with you…

Exciting Announcement! I Have a NEW Book Available!

 Comin' atcha today with some thrilling news!

I have been a busy bee hard at work on my next BIG offering for the world, and it's available for you now!

This book is the culmination of all I know, truly, from my combined clinical and personal experiences, about inner-work and psycho-emotional & relational healing. It is a self-help masterclass in an accessible, approachable format that will help you up-level your world and break free from anything that keeps you stuck and small. Because at the end of the day, I think we all just really want to shine our beautiful unique lights into the world. So let's dust off anything that doesn't align with that mission, shall we?

The Radiant Life Project brings together my 15+ year clinical experience with many years of personal learnings from the school of life and beyond. In these pages you will find resources and tools to ignite your life from the inside-out for a more brilliant (radiant!) experience of being YOU in the work, relationships, experiences, and perceptions you cultivate in your reality. Learn from various psychological methodologies including Internal Family Systems (IFS), Buddhist psychology and mythology, neuroscience and neuropsychology, and transformational inner-work that so many of those who have worked with me know is my special flavor of inner alchemy. 

This book comes straight from my mind-heart-soul synergy directly to you. I hope you will read it, benefit from it, and share it with those you know and love. 

The book is now available for PRE-ORDER, which is an excellent time to purchase your copy for a couple of reasons: First, it helps boost the book for its entire lifetime by alerting the online algorithms to the interest in it. This helps with ranking and sales that massively impact the book's ability to be searched and discovered by so many more people who could benefit from it. Secondly, you'll get a happy surprise in on your doorstep in a few weeks, like a gift from your past self who's got your back. What could be better?

WANT TO GET YOUR COPY?

***For a special 30% discount, purchase the book from my publisher's website and plug in the code RLFANDF30 at check out.

***If you're an Amazon buyer, grab your copy here!

What are people saying? Check out a few early reviews:

Step Off the Treadmill That Keeps You Forever Striving

 

On the recommendation of a friend, I have lately been reading “From Strength to Strength” by Arthur C. Brooks. It’s a fantastic book about how to find happiness and sustainable fulfillment in life by stepping out of the game of algorithms, societal expectations, and the notorious hedonic treadmill. 

I was astonished to learn that Philip Brickman, the psychologist who coined the term “hedonic treadmill,” and was also known for demonstrating that winning the lottery brings no sustainable satisfaction, died by suicide. The man who arguably most thoroughly studied fulfillment and happiness in fact couldn’t hack the system himself, which led to his untimely death. 

The hedonic treadmill is a very real phenomenon in this cultural climate of endless striving, and for those of you who are not familiar with the term, here’s my definition: It is the human tendency to endlessly pursue a vanishing horizon that only leads toward more competition, more effort, and deeper strain without ever reaching a lasting place of satisfaction. I’ll be happy when I achieve… Like the quickly fading “new car smell,” the hedonic treadmill keeps us chasing dopamine hits and ego bling that are ultimately fueled by our deep fear of failure or lack. 

In his book, Brooks teaches that lasting happiness is not found on the vanishing horizon line, as many successful high-achievers inevitably discover once they reach the top. In fact, his findings demonstrate that the three ingredients for lasting happiness are: enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning/purpose. These are all qualities that can be found in the moment you are in (with whatever is present) rather than somewhere out there. 

I agree with Brooks that Happiness is the result of finding what you seek in the NOW, and building consistent habits of seeing the world through this lens. Such a perspective aligns beautifully with a mindfulness practice that is awake, aware, curious, and embodied. 

When you break it down to finding those three happiness ingredients in your life, it makes sense that they would be linked to aligned relationships, meaningful work, spirituality, creativity, and authentic integrity—all important facets of The Radiant Life Project. 

Look around in your present moment. Sense into your body and heart. Consider the most crucial relationships and experiences of your life that bring you sustainable fulfillment. They cannot be replicated by an influx of online followers, an arduous step up the corporate ladder, or any other measurable achievement that takes you away from your core values. 

Once you align your actions with the people and experiences that matter most to you, a radiant life and a lasting well of happiness becomes available to you. Don’t believe me? Check out “From Strength to Strength” and then let’s talk more about it! 

As always, I love hearing from you. Contact me here!

Your Sensitivity is Your Gift

Sensitivity isn’t exactly prized as the hallmark of success and achievement in our society, but maybe it should be. Rather than relating to each other and the world through the callous lens of productivity, inauthenticity, and the competitive energy of never-enoughness, maybe we can shift.

Imagine a world where you can be You, in every shade of what that means. Imagine if you didn’t have to stifle your true nature, wounds, or opinions for the comfort of other people. Imagine if we prized the uniqueness and delicacy within one another rather than admonished it as being weak or ineffective. 

We all have sensitivity within us, and we embody it differently depending on our temperament, trauma history, and emotional health. Highly sensitive people (or HSP’s) are identified as such because they have opened themselves to the truth of the depth and breadth of their sensitivity. Such individuals tend to feel more deeply, notice the world around them more acutely, and sense more profoundly. The world of a highly sensitive person is filled with a great deal of sensory data, and though it can come with challenges in our fast-paced world, it also comes with gifts. HSP’s tend to attune more authentically in relationships, nurture creativity with ease, and experience the nuances of life that others might miss. 

If you identify as a highly sensitive person, there are a few things you need to know:

1: It is important that you protect your energy. HSP’s tend to also be empaths, which means that they not only feel their own experiences with immense depth and acuity, but that of others as well. It is easy for an empathic person to over-give or be drained by social connection or stimulating experiences. Attuning to yourself as though you had an energetic battery within is crucial. If you notice that your battery is running low, it is an indication that you need to pull your energy back toward yourself and replenish. As you navigate life as an HSP, you will start to notice that certain situations and people drain your battery more than others. You may choose over time to limit your contact with such experiences, or eliminate them all together. It is safe and healthy to shape your life around what feels generative, reciprocal, and respectful of your sensitivity. 

2: You can trust your intuition. Your sensitivity is also your gift. This means that when you get a gut feeling or an intuitive sense, it’s probably right on par. It can take a while for an HSP to learn to dial-in and trust their intuitive senses, but the more you practice listening to your inner voice, the more it will speak to you. When you are a highly sensitive person, you are sensitive both internally and externally, which grants you access to notice and perceive things in special ways that can guide you. If you feel a sinking feeling in your chest every time you’re around that one particular friend or coworker, it’s no coincidence. 

3: You need to give back to yourself more than you think. The world does not tend to be a tender and loving place for sensitive people—In fact, it often takes more than it gives. Until the rest of society can get on-board with the respect, tenderness, and depth of feeling that is your lived experience, you can nurture it for yourself. This means taking as much time, energy, effort, and care with filling your own cup. If you tend to be an over-giver, this is doubly important. Notice the different experiences of your life, and take note of what fills you and what drains you. If being around certain people generates a sense of warmth and connection within you, do more of that. If spending time in nature fuels you, get into nature every day. If you notice a rise in your energy levels at certain locations, in response to creative activities or intellectual conversations, follow the breadcrumbs toward your own toolbox for self-nurturance. It is not selfish to care for your needs. As a sensitive person, you need more nourishment of this kind because you give so much and sense so completely. Build your expectations for self-care to become a priority in your life, and you will feel the difference in your day-to-day wellbeing. 

Whether you identify as an HSP or not, you’re undoubtedly sensitive to some capacity because you are a human being. Notice where in your life you feel the undercurrents of exhaustion, over-sensitization, and maladaptive coping. These are areas in your existence that need a little something extra from you. Regardless of how acute your sensitivities are, explore the experience of tending to yourself in this new attuned way. 

 

Let me know how it goes! I would love to hear about your experiences. If you want to know more about my work, learn more here!

Musings on Birds and Fish

Perhaps all creatures on Earth, with their many differences and unique qualities, are meant to reflect the truth of potential to one another. Maybe the vast array of our individual and group presentations allow us to discover our true nature and live at the knife-edge of both reality and possibility. 

 

Life among the currents and waves of the sea is an inconceivable anomaly for a bird, however a fish does not drown in the water that surrounds it. It was built for an environment where ocean flows through its very being to sustain its lifeforce. To the dismay of many a fish, a bird does not plummet clumsily from the sky and crash-land upon the unforgiving ground. It was gifted wings with anatomical precision for flight, and the intrinsic know-how to soar and steer skyward.

 

If a fish should wish to fly—or a bird swim—it may seem inconceivable. However, a closer look at our planet’s history reminds us that the impossible becomes possible when a species is patient for several generations. During this time, evolution is free to develop and sustain the necessary equipment to make such changes. With tolerance and fortitude, a fish’s wish to swim among the clouds can manifest. Though seemingly the stuff of daydream fantasies, such miracles already exist: The proof is in the existence of ducks and Exocoetidae (flying fish). 

 

And what if a fish should fall in love with a bird? Would their hearts allow any option other than an existence spent brainstorming and exploring the possibilities for merging sky and sea? Perhaps the deep appreciation and admiration of seemingly impossible feats allows such creatures to coexist at all.

 

In the end, the truth seems to be this: We were built for certain circumstances, but we are not caged by those designs. Our health and comfort derive from congruent living with our anatomical architecture. However, when the soul dreams impossible dreams, the veil between worlds can shift with determined intention. Why, my friends, would there by flying fish at all if they were not driven by a deep inner engine to kiss the sky?

 

How to Move Through Portals of Possibility -- Even When You're Scared.

 Periodically throughout my sabbatical, I kept feeling as though I was passing through portals. Each time I would have the experience of energetically moving past a threshold where I could never return to the old ways. Call this consciousness growth, manifestation, soul evolution, or imaginary progress—to me, it has felt as real as the nose on my face. 

Today I moved through another portal. I did something that was brave, and scary, and vulnerable as hell. I submitted my book proposal and manuscript chapters for The Radiant Life Project to my first-choice publisher, Sounds True. The experience was visceral, and emotional, and energetically profound. I laughed and cried simultaneously in a somatic experience of joy-filled gratitude that I hardly expected. I felt surrounded by supportive frequencies I can’t even begin to describe, though I felt them rushing through and beyond me. It was a portal moment where I knew there would be no return. I stepped into a new world of possibility and potential that I had not previously had access to. I do not know what comes in kind with these seismic life-shifts. All I know for sure is that we must seize the opportunities to take them when they present.

We are not most limited by the lack of opportunities, or our personal flaws, or our lowly place on the food chain. No. We are most limited by our inaction. We must never cease our forward movement toward the beautiful and scary mysteries of our lives—no matter how insecure or afraid we may be. It is action itself that opens the portals of our future Selves and the potential that awaits each and every one of us. If we avoid action for fear or protection, we remain stagnant and sedentary like a body of water that has been still for too long. Our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls demand movement. There is no going back, but we do have a choice at what speed we move forward. By taking intentional aligned action, we walk through the portals of possibility that open for us, and propel ourselves into futures yet unimaginable. 

I have no idea what will happen with my book proposal to Sounds True. I diligently did my part, and then I released control like a flock of butterflies into the heavens. With my submittal, I handed the baton off to those next in line to take action. Whatever will be will be, and I’ll know that I held up my end of the deal by taking aligned action and moving through the portal.

Tell me about some of your portal moments. I would love to hear about them!

Stay in touch and check out my work 
here!

The difference between being a Force, and forcing it

 One of my dear friends often reflects to me that I am a Force—by which she means that I have an uncanny way of powerfully activating, navigating, and manifesting my daily life. I tend to do this with plentiful aligned action based on the generative ideas and plans I develop regarding both my professional and personal experiences. Over the years, I have noticed that there is a distinction between being the kind of Force that acts as a channel which funnels meaningful action and activity into the world, and effortfully forcing outcomes with layers of agenda or aggression.

 

Being a Force tends to include feeling aligned and in flow with creativity, integrity, and meaningful intention. I’m sure we can all recall feeling this resonance while engaging a task or activity where we felt both energized and focused on something we cared deeply about. There are three important facets of being a Force:

 

1: It is important to not actually force anything. Similar to grasping a small animal in the palm of your hand, if you squeeze your intention too tightly, you will crush its life force. Conversely, being a Force requires that we not only hold the gentle energy of our muse, but that we thoughtfully observe it and build upon its offerings. 

 

2: Being a Force requires action. A mind full of brilliant ideas can only take you so far. You must take aligned-action to bring your goals, dreams, desires, and plans to fruition. Along with the call for action comes the necessity of courage. Moving through your life with powerful intention and action is not for the faint of heart, and it does not guarantee success. You must be willing to build, re-build, pivot, and shift if you are to become a Force. 

 

3: Do not let your Force energy consume you. Always remember when you channel the generative force of creativity that it is only one aspect of your life. Too much Force can start feeling forced if it becomes imbalanced with the rest of your life. Though Force energy can feel exciting and motivating, you must thoughtfully wield it. If your Force energy becomes imbalanced in one area (your career, for example) at the detriment of all else, your relationships with others, connection to Self, and participation in leisure can suffer greatly. Remember, success only feels gratifying if it fits into the rest of your life with harmony.

 

Most importantly, the difference between being a Force and forcing something is a delicate balance of grit and grace. The knife-edge between these two concepts is where the ferocity and magnificence of being a Force gains its momentum and inspiration. If you tip too far into the realm of grit, the magic of harmony can be lost, and the task can start feeling forced. Too much grace has the opposite effect of feeling flimsy or disconnected. As with much in life, the middle path often holds the most possibility and potential. It is within the contrast of striving while also allowing oneself to be guided that we discover our infinite creative potential.

 

How about an example?

 

My upcoming book, The Radiant Life Project, has been a joy to write. It has streamed from my heart and mind through my fingers, and danced across the page in sentences and paragraphs that weave together my love-filled teachings about psycho-emotional self-healing. In the moments when I sat at my keyboard and allowed the flow of my knowledge and passion for my work to channel, I was being a Force. I was taking the necessary action to build my book—letter by letter, word by word, sentence by sentence. In moments where I felt weary, uninspired, or disconnected, I did not write because it would feel like forcing it. Like a muse that dances in and out of view, I learned to trust the bursts of inspiration I received. When such a muse would flutter through my consciousness, I would seize the opportunity and open the channel for my writing to flow. 

 

It hasn’t always been so easy for me to write from Force energy. In the beginning, I wrote based on the clock rather than the feeling of flow. In contrast to Force energy, the feeling of forcing felt evident when I provided myself with an arbitrary deadline by which I demanded I complete a certain section of writing. I would fuel myself with caffeine and sheer will, and grasp at fleeting thoughts and concepts while my mind began to tire. Not only did this forceful effort require massive energy and discipline, but it rarely yielded writing of much value. Most often I would sweep back over my writing once I had re-connected with the Force of my passion and re-structure the lines I had forcefully written in those pressured moments.

 

It didn’t take long for me to realize the difference between forcing and accessing Force energy. Once I realized and accepted that I could be much more effective, heartfelt, and successful in my writing if I acted only when I was inspired, it became easier to give myself permission to access necessary rest and reprieve in the moments when I wasn’t. As Bethany Webster wisely wrote in her book Discovering the Inner Mother, “Act only when inspired. Otherwise rest.”

 

Imagine the works of creation we could bring into being if we all accessed and acted from Force energy instead of forceful energy. What would you create?

 

Questions or comments? I'm all ears. Drop me a line in the comments, or feel free to be in touch at https://linktr.ee/theradiantlifeproject